


of wishing and worrying

by amuk



Category: xxxHoLic
Genre: Community: 31_days, F/M, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Gen, Healing, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Relationships, Long-Distance Relationship, Loss, One-Sided Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-22
Updated: 2013-01-22
Packaged: 2017-11-26 10:50:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 814
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/649749
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amuk/pseuds/amuk
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He gave a smile, sad and old and patient, and she thought it was the smile of a different person, from a different time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	of wishing and worrying

**Author's Note:**

> A little creative license used-- this was written while reading the series. Himawari has not appeared yet when I wrote this, and so she goes to a university in another town and I made small assumptions about that customer that makes everyone worry.  
> This was a little hard to write, especially the beginning.
> 
> Day/Theme: Oct 24 // Ask tearfully, truly

"I'll be careful," he promised and she nodded, the only thing she could do. He didn't allow for much else, his wish coming above any desire for safety, and she half-wondered if she'd ever see Watanuki again.  
  
He gave a smile, sad and old and patient, and she thought it was the smile of a different person, from a different time. Not his, it should never be his, but it became his all the same.  
  
Squeezing her hand, he tried to reassure her but she worried all the same.  
  
"I'll be careful," he repeated and all she could think was that he shouldn't have to promise.  
  
He should just _be_.

-x-

  
"Kohane-chan!"  Maru and Moro cried out as she stood with one foot over the threshold. Pausing, she saw their eager expressions and the other foot soon joined it.  
  
There was a little dragging (scuffling, pulling, little hands in her warm ones, bright eyes and quick grins and voices that chattered a mile a minute) and she found herself facing Watanuki with no shoes and her bag at his feet.  
  
"..." He gave her a wane smile, the eclipsed moon, and she knew the cycle was not over yet, the silver coin still hidden behind clouds.  
  
"I wanted to give you this," she started awkwardly, this new Watanuki still a mystery to her. "We had to make something in art class and I..."  
  
"I see." Gently, quietly, (and that part hadn't changed, he was still careful around her) he removed the package from the bag and gazed at the sketch. "You're improving--I can tell what it is now."  
  
His words had double meanings now, criticism and sharp edges colouring them more than his anger and kindness used to. With her, he limits them but they filter in all the same.  
  
Glancing at the drawing in his hands, she almost sighed. It hadn't worked.

-x-

She didn't visit him often--that's Domeki's job now. He came everyday, a steady tide trying to erode the rock.  Maybe it would work--Watanuki actually sighed and grimaced whenever dinner came around.  
  
(Tears and anguished faces haunted her dreams, memories of the weak pale fingers clutching abandoned dresses and the smell of smoke that hung around him like a cloak.)  
  
Himawari barely visited at all. Kohane never asked about it, even when the older girl approached her one day with a small bag and the request that she gave it to him.  
  
Watanuki didn't say anything either when he opened the package and saw a handmade sweater, an angry cat embroidered on the front. He smiled a little and then turned to hide it with the rest of his memories.

-x-

  
That first visitor was horrible.   
  
All Kohane could remember (all she wanted to remember for hate and anger was a terrible burden) was the broken expression on Watanuki's face, the trembling arms and rasping gasps for air, a fish out of water. His clothes clung to his thin frame, the sweat making his hair slippery and slick, and she badly wanted to hold him.  
  
Domeki didn't ask for sake that night.

-x-

"How is he?" Himawari mirrored Kohane's first question and she paused in remembrance.  
  
(Domeki, his unreadable face and strong hands, Mokona burrowing into Watanuki's chest, Maru and Moro crowding around him, frightened.)  
  
"Why don't you visit him?" It was an honest question, albeit blunt and not one she should know the answer to.  
  
"...Maybe later."  There were words, pain-laced and halting, that ran beneath her spoken ones and Kohane nodded.  
  
"He's...better." It would be a lie to say he's fine--he no longer was, had not been since Yuuko left--but he improved all the same. In little leaps and stumbles, with hesitation and stubborn steps, he was moving on. It was a slow process though.  
  
Kohane wasn't sure if he was moving even slower because Himawari rarely appeared.  
  
"...That's good." Himawari gave a small smile at that, a cheap imitation of the ones she used to give Watanuki, and got off the bench. "My bus is here."  
  
An apologetic smile, a little wave, and she disappeared once more.

-x-

  
Maru and Moro smiled a lot, big bright things that could power the world, and she watched them for a moment. They had changed again--no tears spilling onto the floor, no curling up in piles of clothing. They danced and raced past sorrow and grief like it was an old tune.  
  
It could b because their master had changed and they adopted parts of his old personality, molding and pressing it with Yuuko's until that loss had become a little less.  
  
Maybe the Watanuki in them had found the pieces of Yuuko and that calmed him, tempered him, and they responded in same.  
  
She could only wish it would happen to Watanuki as well, but without a price being paid she didn't know how.


End file.
